It was a cold winter's night in the village of Nokly Bokly. Loud moans rang out from Mystery Terrace, deep in the marshes, and a glowing, yellow mist curled around its walls. Down in the gloomy church yard, Joanne Flint was digging graves. She shivered when she heard the moans, but she kept on digging. For a moment, Joanne wished she was home in bed. Then she remembered her nightmares. Almost every night, Joanne dreamed a savage wolf was chasing her. She stopped digging and nervously looked up. She had the feeling someone was watching her now. Joanne wiped her sweaty face with a cloth. Then, gripping her shovel tightly, she began to dig even faster. A few minutes later, Joanne heard a noise. She turned around slowly... to see a dark shape springing out of the bushes at her. Joanne let out a piercing shriek. Her worst nightmare had just come true.[/img]
"i read pet sematary and i'm 11 years old..." -really, your profile says you're 20.
As for the story, if it isn't finished yet then finish it before expecting full critiques. It has promise but there isn't enough substance to make a decent judgement.
You could extend it out, give the character some depth. Just tell us why she's doing what she's doing. There's a scene rather like it in Pet Sematary, by Stephen King. Maybe you should read that to try and see if you can take any inspiration from that. 
I couldn't have said it better than Claudette myself. There's no depth to the character or the setting, and not as interesting as I think you're probably capable of deep down.
I agree with Clau, its too short to really scare the reader, and i think you can do this more effecitvly.
Meevs
It could be scarier...
In a horror/suspense story, you want to slow things down to create suspense, but you also want to make sure the action doesn't happen too slow, otherwise it sounds bad. The '...'s slow down the action here, and are kind of unneeded.She turned around slowly... to see a dark shape springing out of the bushes at her.
120,613 Literary Works • 651,075 Reviews
Points: 890
Reviews: 187
Donate